First few paragraphs of FORWARD FROM THE AUTHOR…
The pages that follow are penned thoughts written for myself in moments of trying to survive or understand life, absorb and cope with uncompromising events that is total and complete with no negotiations or exceptions or cancellations, called death. If at times a phrase of stanza is incomprehensible, it is no accident. It is a reflection of experience at the time written. The words or thought structure were not meant to be read by anyone else and constitute my conversations with “my word angel” that comes to council with me in the times of greatest need. This voice is female and I call her “Saint Sanity”. For her presence in the worst of times, I am immeasurably thankful. Such support in hours of darkest despair or almost uncontrollable explosive joy, has served me well.
My greatest hope is that there may be times that the recorded words serve to help you when you could use a personal saint to whisper into the unseen ear of your stressed or tormented mind. Even better would be that you might discover that you have been deaf to the utterances of your own angel that would help you if you would but listen. I am more a child of the spirit world, seeking signs and directions for making some sense of my journey. If all thought and emotion is but biochemistry, then Saint Sanity is the biochemist from whom I choose to take advice. Long have I yearned to see this lady rather than only hear comforting words of advice and wisdom.
Loss of loved persons, friends and patients punctuates and dominates my life experiences. My father left to be a chaplain in World War II and came back in a bronze casket to be buried in a national military cemetery. Thus, a recurrent theme appears of attempting to make sense of human existence with its immeasurable injustices, the most cardinal being premature and senseless death.
Since childhood I have been taught “Everything is in God’s loving hands, for he is our Father.” I testify that I have been Lucky beyond measure or chosen to be blessed to excess in this life. What are these blessings that have been given tome without merit or personal design? The most important element of earthly existence is relationships with other human beings. For over 56 years the unchallenged major impact on my life that has an influence on my daily thoughts and actions has been my father. This is despite his being killed in 1944 at 32 years of age when I was 7 years old, and my brother Ross was 18 months of age. My father’s study and riding in the car with him to visit members of the church was the center of my world starting at a little over 3 years of age. Before age 5, I was taught and knew all the seas, oceans, continents and countries of this planet. It was from my father I first heard of “the manifest destiny,” that the United States inherited the mission to lead the world to become a better place in which all men would be brothers. This knowledge was made more real by the daily time spent in the books of the Torah and Prophets as my father read and then told the bible stories with great animation, drama and interpreted what the lesson for living was in each story. I am a Judeo-Christian Universalist that believes there is a creating force and power in the universe. If I were to be so presumptuous to offer spiritual advice, it would only be, “Do not limit God”, “Do not limit your love”.